Shame in luck

I still remember back when I was younger, I found a black and white checkered board under the compartment of our bed. It rattled with every shake and I realized there were something inside; there inside are 32 intricately carved pieces. My five-year-old self took them out and played with its pieces like a game of house.

Hindi ganyan, I remember the gentle smile of my father, then taught me how the pieces are properly arranged and how to play.

And thats is, everyone, my first game of chess.

Eversince then, I remember how rarely I won against my father. Until this day, I only won once or twice.

I was enrolled in a small academy in elementary, that is to say there are no sports events or intramurals. But after transferring for highschool, I played my first competion during intramurals and was sad to say I lost in 4 moves. It was humiliating and entirely disgraceful as a chess player. But I practiced during vacation then the next year, got accepted as a varsity player. Since then, I won championship in the intramurals and CADIPSAA, a sports event for Cavite Diocese Parochial Schools.

This January 16-17 2018, Senior Highschool week was held and there are sports competition which encouraged everyone to join. Ofcourse I partook in chess but instead of an individual scoring competion I was used to, it was scored based on team play. Every team is composed of three players and if two players won, it is an automatic win for the three. Our team made it into championship but sadly, I made a wrong move and immediately lost all hope of winning at all. I said to myself that I’d rather forfeit than play a losing game, then so I did. The game beside me will decide whose team will win, being that my other teammate won. Watching the game before me, I was certain that we would lose with fewer pieces and a disadvantage at position but I was surprised that we didn’t. He managed to pull through and our team won by 2-1.

As I held the medal, I cannot help but feel how heavy it is as it rests in my hand. I pondered and thought less of its physical attributes but more of how undeserving I am as I held the medal. Someone else better deserves this medal more than I do. I tried not to sound so ungrateful but I can’t help it. I achieved my dream of receiving a gold medal from a game that I love but instead of feeling proud, I only felt ashamed and undeserving. I recalled the times when I lost but shook the hand of my opponent with a smile on my face, rather than hearing congratulations with a burden in my heart. You only lose when you give up they say, in a sense I did.

After losing a game, the words that I hated to hear most are those telling me it’s okay because I did my best which is really frustrating because I didn’t. I once thought that it would be less painful to not give my best and to lose rather that exert all effort and lose, and from that experience I had never been so wrong. I didn’t won the game, my team did.

I don’t think everything happens for a reason, rather it is up for a person to give reason and live up through experiences by overcoming hardships. In a game of chess, there is no such thing as losing for a reason. The much better player will win and the lesser will lose. And that’s it. What I’m trying to say is if you lose a game and made no efforts to get better, that is just it. Another chapter of a book with no relation to the story.

There are more in this life than winning or receiving a medal. As I’ve said, it is we who give reason to everything. That is taking nothing for granted and cherishing every little moments in life.